Wow. I honestly don’t know where to start… I guess I should start with a quick thank you. Thank you for your patience with me as I get my life together. I know it’s been way too long without us talking about our quarter life crisis, and let me tell you, we are returning with a bang. If you follow me on social media , then you may have seen a questionnaire or two come across your screen. Well, that wasn’t for the fun of it. I actually will be using your answers as a guide for my content this year. Now I will not be calling y’all out like I am our interviewee today.

Aaron, who you’ve seen in our blog on goal setting ( insert blog here) responded to my question “what’s causing your quarter life crisis?” With “not knowing if you’ve made the right decision”. Well, Initially I responded to this with “ you’re not reflecting enough” and left it at that. And then, I was on the bus like a “guided journal blog”. So yes, yes I will be walking Aaron through the process of reflectance in the hopes we can answer his question of “ Did I make the right choice?” Heavy right? Let’s get started.

Aaron, thank you again for gracing my blog. Could you start this blog with a quick description of yourself.

Aaron Powell

Age: 23
Zodiac: Gemini
Profession: Mechanical Engineer
Interest: Cars, Space, Music, and Movies
Hobbies: Golf, Tennis, and visiting Disney World

Me: Okay so let’s start with thinking about this crossroad. What’s going on?
Aaron: I completed my undergrad in mechanical engineering in Dec. of 2018 after 4.5 years of work, and after about 2 months of searching stumbled into my first engineering job. Since 14, I’ve always worked some sort of job so work has almost always been a significant part of my life. Because of that, I was thrilled when my first job landed me in my dream field at a remarkable company. The only catch was that I would be working as a contractor which I knew nothing about, but didn’t really have much of a choice. As a brief summary for those that haven’t heard that term, Contracting implies a short duration (1 ½ years typically) at a company before moving on to somewhere else.

My debate really boils down in the end to whether this life is the right choice. Cause at any point I could, in theory, choose the life of a direct salaried employee, but then that comes with its own downsides. Really my question is “At what point in life do you stop investing in the later version of you which will appreciate that investment, and begin living what the current version of you feels is your best life?” Because I’m happy now with my job and life, but could I be happier now doing something else, and is that happiness now worth what it might cost me down the line? Gonna try and keep this one less down, because I’m genuinely happy with my life at the moment, but you never can fight the urge of whether the grass might be possibly greener elsewhere.

So, when this originally came up my response was “You’re not reflecting enough”. Well Aaron, after reading this longer explanation all I have to say is that “You’re not reflecting enough”. And look, I know it's easy for me to say that, but anxieties around regret is a personality trait of our generation. So, we are going to go through a little guided journaling exercise. And for those reading this… We are actually compiling this blog in pieces so Aaron has some genuine time to reflect on the questions I throw at him.

This blog will happen in 5 steps that I will take you through. They are as follows:

Working out the logical “why” behind the decision that led you to where you are today
Working through the emotional “why” behind the decision that led you to where you are today
Then we are going to grieve the “what could've been”
Following up we are going to overcome any regrets that may come to the surface
Lastly, we are going to use our previous experiences to make the decision about whether the grass is greener on the other side.

So if you’re ready Aaron, let’s start with working out the logical “why” behind the decision that led you to where you are today.

THE LOGICAL WHY.

Aaron, I find it intriguing that you said: “The only catch was that I would be working as a contractor which I knew nothing about, but didn’t really have much of a choice.” With the mini-rant over, I want you to really dig into this.

Me: At the time you decided to become a contractor what really was your logical reasons for making the decision to accept the job? Bonus points if you have a pros and cons spreadsheet (which you might…)
Aaron: So at one point I made a pros and cons list with my mom and must have thrown it away or left it at home when I moved down here. So to discuss why I accepted the job, I need to outline my goals going in, and then address what this role did or not do. My goals were as follows:

Jobs needed to meet a certain predetermined salary.
Job needed to be in a part of the country that I would enjoy or not mind living in.
Job needed to take advantage of prior experience that I had.
Job needed to be in the right industry.

As shown, 3 out of 4 goals were more logical than emotional with the 4th, location, being a mix of emotional and logical. So when the contracting job was finally offered to me, it honestly ticked 4 out of 4 boxes for me. I wasn’t sure about contracting at all going into it, but I saw it as at least opening the door to a potentially permanent role with that company.

Me: When you made this decision, were there any instant regrets? What about personal expectations that were not met?

Aaron: Honestly there was one instant regret when I accepted this role. Within 2 days of accepting this role, I was floated an offer from a company in Los Angeles working in defense for a very similar role. All of the details of the offer ticked all of the same boxes as the contracting role, but as a direct employee instead of a contractor. And I mean, it was LA, how awesome would that have been? Honestly though, since starting down here I haven’t thought too much about that decision in a regretful way. I mainly just find myself thinking over the contracting role, and questioning whether it is the right style job to continue pursuing.

Regret… what an ugly emotion. Let’s talk about it and our other emotions.

THE EMOTIONAL WHY

Regret /rəˈɡret/ • noun

1: sorrow aroused by circumstances beyond one's control or power to repair

The whole “How do you know if the grass is greener?” conversation stems from a human need to try and prevent the feeling of regret as much as possible. It’s an anxiety response and it's completely normal. Now, you said you have some regrets about the fact that you were offered an opportunity after already accepting the job, but I want to talk about the emotions before then. I want you to ask yourself why you feel that regret…. Generally speaking, you're asking about how to choose a job. From my personal experience, I jumped the gun a bit on my first job because of the pressures of not wanting to feel like a failure for graduating without a job. I also kind of impulsively moved into my second job because there was a sense of emotional survival that needed to happen. My biggest regret was not taking the process of choosing a job more seriously. I regret the desperation I felt because at the end of the day I was in a position where I had more choices available than I thought. I didn’t trust the process…

So in a similar manner let's talk about your expectations.

Me: What expectations about your job search did you have that were not met? And did this secretly become one of the reasons for choosing your current job?

Aaron: So the main expectation I had going into my job search was that it would be relatively easy. Everyone had always said throughout my degree that finding a job would be easy given the degree I chose, the grades I had gotten, and the experience I had. While my experience searching for work was far better than some, and the result was better than many, I would not consider the process easy or emotional fulfilling. By the time I was choosing this job, I had moved back home and had only heard back from maybe a 1/20th of the jobs I had applied for. And while I had been in talks with other companies by the time I chose this one all of those had basically fizzled out. So not even secretly, a job that ticked ¾ of the boxes I had set for finding a job was more than enough for me to pull the trigger.

Me: When you’re done with that, I want you to write all of the reasons you are grateful despite the little regrets you may have. This is because gratitude is the antithesis of regret. If you didn’t feel that the first time I’m gonna repeat it. Gratitude is the antithesis of regret. So if you're reading this and having feelings of regret about something, take the time to look at the positives. #micdrop. And if this is too hippie dippie for you, don’t worry, there will be a more rigorous look at overcoming regret a bit later.

Aaron: Things I’m grateful for with this job.

I’m paid extremely well for what I do
I have the option at almost any point to go full time with this company should I change my mind
This job got me into my dream industry with one of my dream companies
I live in an incredible climate where the coldest it gets all year is a degree below 50. And that’s for one day out of the year
I have terrific coworkers who appreciate the work I do
I still live close enough to go home at any point I want to

OVERCOMING REGRET

So it doesn’t seem as though you (Aaron) have very much regret, however some of the readers might. So let’s go through some steps you can take to overcome regret:

Accept your current reality - being in denial is not going to help your current situation nor is it going to help you figure out your next steps.
Forgive yourself - This is the hardest for most people, but forgiving yourself opens up more your ability, to be honest with yourself and when that happens, your guttural instincts kick in and you’ll have clarity in thought.
Practice Positivity - Understand the good in your current situation so you know to continue looking for those aspects in the next decision.

Alright, now that we have overcome regret, let’s talk about how to prevent regret.

IS THE GRASS GREENER?

So Aaron, let’s talk about the grass… grasses. The best answer to “Is the grass greener on the other side?” is the very cheesy answer of “It’s greener where you water it”. It's not just about the opportunities afforded to you, but also what you do with those opportunities. I am going to borrow some snippets from my blog on Five Year Plans to walk you through some thoughts.

Me: Aaron, start by imagining everything you want out of your career in the five years.

What do you want to accomplish? These can be as big as a promotion or as small as a window seat in the office.
When you are doing this be as specific as possible.
Imagine what you want to look like. What are you wearing?
Where are you working? Are you at the same office? A bigger office? Your own office? What projects have you finished? What impact will you have had?

Aaron: So some of these are gonna be really localized to my industry, but some others may be more generic.

Near term (0-1year) minimal: Stay employed during this economic downturn. This isn’t life or death given I have a home and parents that I can fall back on, but staying employed during this gives me a better chance to come out ahead once we’re through it
Near term (0-1year) optimal: Maintain my current job through August and learn the following.
- GD&T Drawing standard for engineering drawings and quality control
- Hit 3500hrs logged on our primary modelling software
- Accept a task that I don’t currently understand how to solve so that I can learn the solution
- Talk with 3 other contractors at different stages in their career to get a better understanding of the profession as a whole and whether or not it is for me

Also in this term I would like to take 2 months off to relax with my family and decide where I would like to end up next. Maybe go on a vacation as a reward
Mid term (1-3year) minimal goal: Get a firm understanding of whether this career is something I want to do my whole life, or if I might be interested in doing something else.
Mid term (1-3year) optimal goals: Hit 26 years old
- Obtain 10000hrs in our primary modelling software
- Speak to a financial advisor to see how best I should be managing my income outside of just saving money
- Adhere to whatever retirement plan is developed for me by the advisor
- Become a SME (Subject Matter Expert) in one field of my career
- Develop a side interest like investing
Long Term (3-5year) minimal goal: I’ll be at the tail end of my 20s here so if I’ve decided to remain in contracting this whole time, go direct, or changed industries entirely I need to begin looking towards what company will meet my life and retirement goals at that point
Long Term (3-5year) optimal goal: Have letters of recommendations from all jobs I work
Long Term (3-5year) optimal goal: Become talented in whatever my side goal is

Me: This… this is your goal. I could go on for days about goal setting. For those who aren't Aaron and maybe new to The Blooming Babe, we’ve already done a blog on SMART Goals. So Aaron, guess what? Time to REFLECT on your own words. Go read our blog, and tell me your thoughts below. (I love a good full circle moment)

Aaron: So wow, reading through that is certainly a trip down a not too distant memory lane. I think I still feel very similar to how I did back then in some respects and different in others. Back then coming off my time in college, I couldn’t think about anything else other than just advancing my career and making sure my financials were in order. Now, those things still rank highest in my hierarchy but have certainly lost some importance to making sure I’m taking care of my own happiness. I believe that’s why the whole “grass is greener” “issue” has shown up, is because I finally have some true time to reflect on whether I’m truly using my skills to make me the happiest I can be. Also, I read through the “Stressy and Depressy” part and realized that I haven’t taken the time to take a step back and look at the big picture in a while, and this exercise has made me do just that. So thank you.

To make this a bit more palatable. Here are some simple steps for making a plan at your next crossroad:

Ask yourself if this crossroad comes from an emotional impulse
- Like quitting your job before having another one because you hate your current one so much
Refine the problem.
- What are you anticipating regretting?
Brainstorm the options and outcomes
- Make a pros and cons list based on the opportunities at hand
Understand how certain opportunities begin to align with your goals
- Because more than likely you’ll want to go with whichever one fits the best
Make a plan
- Preferably using my SMART GOAL guide
Execute
- Make it happen, Captain

Alright, Aaron, why don’t you take a stab at it.

Aaron:

Ask yourself if this crossroad comes from an emotional impulse
1. So absolutely this cross-road is emotional in nature. The career I’ve chosen so far is one that has me working heavy hours, potentially moving around frequently, and not getting a huge opportunity to build relationships. The career has me extremely well situated for success, but not for building a personal life
Refine the problem.
1. So, older people always say that your 20s are the best time in your life, and at the least at the moment I’m spending it travelling and working. I don’t personally see myself regretting it, but it does sit there and kind of nag at the back of my mind
Brainstorm the options and outcomes
1. So for this one, I’ll build it on my end as it really will only directly relate to me at all. Please feel free to use any Pros Cons list here
Understand how certain opportunities begin to align with you goals
1. So, at least based on my pros cons list, I should be continuing down the path I’m on and stick to that 5 year plan. It meets all of my long term goals and always leaves the option to pursue other routes if I come to that point.
Make a plan
1. Please reference the one I made above. Got kind of carried away documenting my 5 year plan
Execute
1. Make it happen, Captain

The Conclusion:

Me: Aaron, as we begin wrapping up this blog, I first want to ask if you found this helpful or insightful, and at the end of the day, is there something here you can take with you as you journey through your quarter life crisis?

Aaron: Personally this was very necessary. Working over 40 hours doesn’t leave you much time in your life to reflect and find out if you’re happy. But stepping back and seeing that what I’m working on still aligns with where I want to be is important. I just need to remember going forward that somethings you just can’t brute force a solution, and it requires stepping back and looking at it as a whole picture

Well yall, we have come to the end of this blog. I really hope this helped. If not, tell me why in the comments. I want to sign off with two quotes for you all:

“Thinking before acting is wisdom, bit acting before thinking is regret.” - Anonymous

“Grass is greener at other people’s feet because they watered it. You need not to let your environment control you; you have what it takes to make it look beautiful!” - Israelmore Ayivor

If you like what you read and cannot get enough career advice, check out my career wellbeing blogs in which I talk about how to land your dream job, advance in your career, and live your passions. As always, please sign up for my newsletter to get updates straight to your inbox and share this blog with all of your friends!

Sources:

https://resilientapp.com/growth/how-to-set-goals-when-youre-depressed/

https://www.patriciajhancock.com/articles/how-to-stop-sabotaging-your-success?

https://rayamaari.com/major-steps-to-deal-with-setbacks/

https://laurasueshaw.com/how-to-handle-setbacks-to-your-goals-and-still-reach-them/

http://templatelab.com/smart-goals/