Hello, I know we have all been waiting for a new post and I promise this will not disappoint. As I was going through my photos looking for my next interviewee, I came across this photo of my friends and I seemingly having the time of our life. Later, in the midst of the night, I came to the realization the day photographed was actually a pretty significant day for my best friend and I. So, I asked her about it, and our conversation led to a deeper Q&A session about dating and the five stages of relationships. Of course, every ATW begins with this:

Me: Describe to me what is happening in the photo

Taylor: This photo is one of my favs! We wanted to take a picture all together and for some reason we SUCK at taking pictures together. This is just a picture of girl friends being fun and spontaneous.

Me: What is your initial reaction to this photo?

Taylor: My initial reaction to this photo is that it was an amazing week full of friends, no school and parties! Seeing this photo makes me happy, because I feel like I had a great college experience.

Me: What do you remember about this day?

Taylor: This was taken during our Sophomore year of college during one of the MOST fun weeks of my life. This was during the Atlanta Snowpocalypse and we were walking in the icy snow to go get coffee at the closest gas station. I remember going/having a ton of parties this week. I didn't remember, however this was the day that my friends thought it was a good idea to hold an "intervention" about my dating/hooking up habits. I didn't remember that this was the same day until Briana reminded me. I guess I didn't remember about that awful intervention, because I remember it being an amazing time with friends. I try to remember the good events, not the bad ones.

For clarification, let’s explain this intervention. There was some drama between our friend group and another that stemmed from Taylor dating a person in the other friend group. Instead of sticking up for our friend like we should have, we blammed Taylor and held an “intervention”. I was still growing in my thoughts but still archaic in thinking and in the midst of the intervention called my bestie a slut. I know, major party foul. Once again, I was young and still in the process of becoming a more open minded and understanding person. Also, shout out to Taylor for onlny focusing on the good. I’m sorry again.

After getting my shit together and realizing that slut shamming is not cool, I finally apologized. I realized that all of Taylor’s experiences in dating and the diversity in relationship types and significant others made her the perfect candidate for a relationship Q&A. The questions are broken down into the Five Stages of a Relationship:

The Initial Meeting or Attraction AKA the Talking Phase
The Dating Phase
The Stability Stage
The Commitment Phase
The Bliss/Co-Creation.

Like any relationship, we started with The Initial Meeting or Attraction AKA the Talking Phase.

Me: How can one tell the difference between someone being nice and someone who is flirting with you?

Taylor: I would say this is a very hard situation... some people are very obviously flirting and some just have flirty personalities. I am one of those people that have a VERY flirty personality. I would say you know if a guy or girl is into you, if they want to talk to you and be around you a lot. If someone isn't actively trying to hang out, they probably don't like you. If you text or talk to someone and they answer you with very limited text and end the conversation fast, they are just being nice. If someone likes you they usually like to touch you (no inappropriately) but like slight touches to the leg or arm or back.

Me: What has been your longest "talking" phase?

Taylor: Ummm... Probably a few months... my last relationship we "talked" for about 4 months before we were "official".

Me: How long should one be in the talking phase before they agree to date?

Taylor: I guess this would depend on the people and what they have been through in their life. If someone has just been through a relationship or just been hurt or something like that, the talking phase would probably be longer. If they haven't been with anyone in a while and are ready for a commitment, then this talking phase should turn into dating faster.

Me: What is your opinion on the friendzone and friendzoning?

Taylor: This is also a tough situation. I have "friendzoned" a lot of guys... This is were my flirty personality comes in. I don't like the term "friendzoning" if I just want to be friends that is it... you can't friendzone someone you feel something for... that would just be rejection. This term is something guys use I feel like to make themselves feel better, I think. A friend is a friend...

Me: How can one get out of the friendzone?

Taylor: This is very hard to escape... obviously the person didn't like you in the first place so it would take something special to get out of the friendzone. This would have to take someone going through a hard time or a breakup or something extreme in order for them to see you in a different light. My best advice would be to just stay close to the person and always be there for them. Maybe they will realize you are a great person and try you out. haha

Taylor, some friends and I freshman year… before we were even friends.

Awesome, we have been talking, there's been some flirting, and we have managed to make it out of the friendzone into the Dating Phase.

Me: What advice would you give on choosing a first date?

Taylor: First dates are HARD. They make me nervous and excited and make me sick all at once. For Real: DO NOT GO TO A MOVIE! This is just stupid to me... how are you going to learn about each other? I would say go do something fun! Like minigolf, go carts... anything like that. Dinner is nice to go along with something fun. Dinner makes me nervous, the fun activity would loosen me up and bring out my flirty not nervous side.

Me: What has been your worst first date?

Taylor: Okay girl... we went to get ice cream on Marietta Square and it was just AWKWARD... the conversation didn't really go anywhere and it just SUCKED. We kissed at the end of the night and the kiss was the WORST I have ever had. I give people chances, even after a 1st date, but that kiss turned me off for good and I totally ghosted him..

Me: How do you keep dating life interesting?

Taylor: This is something I struggle with.. I get too comfortable and it gets boring. This takes HARD work and teamwork of both involved parties. I think a good way to keep things interesting is just to try different things... sexual and dating. Try different places to eat, go out to concerts and go do things! Always try to cuddle and touch each other. Touch is a key part in the relationship.

Me: How do you know if you're in a situationship? What are the common signs?

Taylor: Um.. I don't really know if I have been in one of these... but I would say if both parties are not wanting the same things in life (present & future) then the "situationship" is just for fun, probably nothing serious. They probably just want a relationship for the look of it. Common signs: fucking to just fuck. not going "out" as a couple a lot, showing you off. That is the best I can do for this question. haha

Me: How should one go about Defining The Relationship?

Taylor: I am a very forward person.. so I just talk to my partner and decide where the relationship is going and have a conversation about it. In my last relationship, I remember this moment... it was hard, because I thought we were moving forward, but he did want to see what else was out there, so I left him for the rest of the day and he came to his senses that he did want to be with me. My best advice here would be to just be honest on where you want it to go and just take whatever comes next.

Taylor and I end of freshman year as friends

Cool, so the best case scenario is now your reality and your are a couple. Yayyyy!!! Insert your cute couple name here.

Me: How do things change once you get into a relationship?

Taylor: Well this depends on how long the "talking" and "dating" phase was. There is a beginning "honeymoon" phase of every relationship. This usually consists of a lot of sex and a lot of PDA, but after time this goes away and you get very comfortable with each other. You start making decisions together and planning things in advance. Things change for the better and for the worse. Better because you are developing your relationship past sex, but worse, because the honeymoon stage is the best! No fights and no cares in the world.

Me: Do you know your Love Language?

Taylor: Explain more about this Briana!

Me: Yay! I was hoping you might not know your love language. So the idea of love languages was developed into a book by a man named Gary Chapman. Essentially after taking a brief test which I will attach, it tells you your Love Language. It is the way in which you receive affection. I want to know your language before I go into detail about what each one means.

Taylor: My scores were 8-Quality Time, 7-Words of Affirmation, 6-Acts of Service, 6-physical Touch, 3-Receiving gifts

So, There are Five Love Languages:

Quality Time: Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Words of Affirmation: Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you.
Acts of Service: Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
Receiving Gifts: Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
Physical Touch: Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

To take the quiz and learn more about your Love Language you can check out this link: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Now, Love Languages are important, but what about moving in together? Meeting the family?

Me: How do you know if you're ready to move in with your S.O.?

Taylor: I knew I was ready when we would only spend the night together. No matter which house we would be in, we would ALWAYS spend the night together. We would plan on being at one place or the other. Also, we had a key to each others place, this is a big step in trust and a big step into moving in together.

Me: When should you meet each other’s family?

Taylor: This also depends on where you are at in life and how close you are to your families. I am VERY close to my family and I probably introduce people to my family sooner than most. I introduced my last boyfriend to my family about 6 months after dating. I think if you are close with your family that is an acceptable time frame. If you aren't as close, I would say right at a year. This also depends on if you see the relationship going further, if you don't... then why even meet the family? This can be a sign of the relationship if it is going to go anywhere or not.

Me: When should you go on your first baecation?

Taylor: I went on my first baecation with my last boyfriend right after a year of seeing each other. I think a year is good! You can see how they behave in the car and how they are in traffic and how the vacation stress effects them. Vacation can tell a lot about a person.

Me: How often do you have relationship check ins?

Taylor: IDK what this is. Briana please Explain!

Me: A relationship check in is essentially a conversation you and your S.O. have to talk about the status of the relationship, how you feel the relationship is going. You can talk about individual goals and couples goals. Its a way to keep communication open. Brendan and I do it every three months when I write my quarterly goals list.

Taylor: My last boyfriend and I didn't set up a set timeline to do these... every time we got into a fight, however, I would make sure he still wanted to be with me. I never wanted to make him feel trapped. We would talk about our future and where we did see it going often, especially after college graduation. I would say have these "check" every 4 months or so…

Remember y’all, communication is key! I can not empasize enough open communication wtih your partner. Life is hard and if they can’t be honest with you and vice versa, who can yall be honest with?

Now, You've been dating a whole now, you're all in love and shit, and BAM! he gets on his knees and you're engaged and entering the Commitment Phase.

Me: So. for the next few questions, you can either answer from a " This is what I would hope for my future" or you can answer from a " this is what I've experienced from the people going through these phases around me"

Me: Do you think marriage is required for a commitment?

Taylor: I do not think marriage is required. I believe in marriage and would like to have it to fully be together, but I do think you can be fully committed without getting married.

Me: How long is too long for an engagement?

Taylor: Okay! I am very opinionated on this! I feel like an engagement shouldn't be longer than 1 1/2 years. 2 years would be the absolute Longest. I believe if you are engaged longer than that, then what is the point of getting engaged? It takes all the fun out of it. Why do you need an engagement ring for 5 years, just date for 4 more years then get engaged and get married within the year. Done! Rant over.

Me: How does a relationship evolve as you move into the Commitment Phase?

Taylor: I have not been through an engagement, but I witnessed my sister throughout this phase and after getting engaged, you go through another honeymoon phase for a brief time. Then when the wedding starts to get planned it becomes more stressful and it tests the relationship. But for my own life... my ex boyfriend and I moved in together away from friends after 2 1/2 years of dating. This is a huge commitment and it was good for a while, but things change... he missed our friends and the college life, I wanted to grow up and go forward with our lives together. This eventually drove us apart. This however just means that we weren't right to move forward together. But people change as we get older and sometimes everything lines up perfectly and other times it doesn't.

Bridezilla antics, lots of debt, and one amazing wedding day has past. You'd think this is where the "happily ever after" comes in but no, there is one final phase. The Bliss/Co-Creation phase.

Taylor and Briana infiltrate KSU Homecoming

Me: Do you want kids?

Taylor: YES! I want 2 kids. Hopefully 2 girls, but would just be happy with 2 healthy children. I however, want to enjoy my 20's and I do not want a kid until I am 30 years old at least.

Me: How have you seen relationships grow after the couple has kids?

Taylor: My sister and brother-in-law just had my beautiful nephew back in March. My nephew has given them so much joy in life and they have more of a reason to be together and to love each other more. After my sister gave birth, I saw how her husband looked at her and that look is EVERYTHING! He just looked at her with such love and he was so proud of her. I feel like if your relationship was already strong that a baby makes it even stronger, especially when you have great friends and family helping you.

Me: What other co-creation ventures would you want to have with your future husband?

Taylor: The biggest adventure to me would be to create a baby together and raise him/her. To me, that is why I am here... I want to feel that baby inside me and go through it with my husband beside me.

And with this, I bid you a Happily Ever After.However, I could not finish this off without one final question.

Me:In hindsight, how do you feel about the word slut? and slut shaming?

Taylor: I hate the word slut. I feel like this word is demeaning towards women. Just because a woman wants to explore her sexuality or try multiple partners to find what she wants in a long term partner doesn’t make her a slut. Slut shaming is awful. I think it is just another way to put women down, especially other women.

If you want to learn more about Love Language and to take the Love Language test, feel free to follow the link here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ .

If you have any questions about what was discussed here or need any further relationship advice, feel free to comment below or email me at aperture526@gmail.com

Sources:

A Thousand Words Volume 5: Sluts Are More Fun and Other Relationship Dudads

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